The 9 to 5 grind, and working 9 to 5 has taken on a new meaning in today’s corporate world.  I had an incredible experience yesterday.  Something that will resonate with me for a while.

First, however, we need some background.

My Nemesis

I usually have to work with different people on various projects as they come down the pipe.  There are good people to work with, and there are bad ones.  But there is one person, in particular, who I run from. 

Since I don’t use names here, let’s call this person U2-on.  (I will explain in a future post why I’ve chosen these nicknames.) 

U2-on is a special breed.  She works ’round the clock on non-emergency tasks.  She has no life outside of work.  She takes corporate inefficiency to a whole new level (i.e., she loves meetings and long telephone calls in which she brain-farts for about 10 minutes at a time).  However, U2-on is EXACTLY what my bosses love: an hour-billing machine that has no sense of or care for non-work matters (you know, like family and sleep).

History of Flimjo and U2-on

If you’ve read any of the posts on this blog, you will know that I don’t exactly mesh well with people like U2-on.  She LOVES to work.  I don’t.  She LOVES 16-hour days.  I prefer 4-hour weeks.  We’re like oil and water.   

I got stuck on a case with U2-on last August, and it was probably the single-worst experience of my life.  U2-on thought I worked the same schedule as her, and she routinely called my office well into the evening (often leaving long voice messages), e-mailed me at insane hours (3 a.m., etc.), and even took the liberty of calling my cell phone on weekends. 

I drew some boundaries here and there, but it was impossible to keep U2-on at bay.  I was VERY HAPPY when that case ended.

Yesterday’s Event

U2-on paid me a visit yesterday to tell me about a research assignment Beaker instructed her to give me.  (Beaker is my boss.)  Given my history with U2-on, I shuddered when I saw her lifeless figure in my doorway.  But this time, U2-on was different.  She appeared disheveled.  She sounded like she had a cold.  U2-on looked like a shadow of herself.

She sat down and started to explain the assignment.  Then she briefly complained about Beaker:

U2-on: “I don’t understand why Beaker is asking me to oversee this.  He already told me to take it easy on my hours.”

Me (flabbergasted): “Beaker told you to take it easy?”

U2-on: “Yeah.  He came and told me that my hours were a little high.  He said I needed to take it easy because I was overworking myself.” 

Me (very flabbergasted): “If you don’t mind my asking, how ‘high’ are your hours.”

U2-on: “150%.”

Me: (blank stare)

The 3000-Hour Monster

By saying “150%,” U2-on meant that she was at 150% of “standard.”  (If you recall, Beaker chastised me for being at 80% of standard not too long ago.)  “Standard” is 2000 hours per year.  At this point–the middle of the year–”standard” would half of 2000, or 1000 hours.  Associates more or less need to be around that number at this point in time in order to stay on pace for their minimum billable hour requirement (2000 hours). 

But U2-on has surpassed that little 1000-hour hurdle.  At 150% of “standard,” U2-on is at 1000 x 1.5 = 1500 hours at the mid-point for 2008.  If you do the math (1500 hours x 2), U2-on is on pace for 3000 hours this year. 

I don’t know how else to say this, but that . . . is . . . INSANE.  It just doesn’t seem humanly possible.  However, U2-on’s ability and willingness to bill 3000 hours this year isn’t the point.

Beaker’s Strange Request

What is more astounding to me is that Beaker actually asked U2-on to take it easy.  Beaker himself is a billable hour machine and hopes for the day when I become such a machine (not a chance, buddy).  The fact that Beaker put the breaks at 150% of standard (or a 3000-hour pace) is comical. 

Is that the threshold at which we are told to cut back on work?  Because if it is, that is amazing, and it leaves me speechless.

Grinding Down Employees

I have explained why I think the eight-hour day is a bunch of crap, but routine 12- and 14-hour days??  This is everything that is wrong with corporate America. 

People are incapable of working so many hours in a day for weeks and months on end.  It sucks the life out of them and destroys one’s desire for self-fulfillment.  This emphasis on hours worked instead of personal productivity is inherently flawed and life-draining.

If you’re in a similar situation or atmosphere, get out of it.  The purpose of your life is not to work 50- and 60-hour weeks building someone else’s business.  Get out of there while you can.  There is another way, and you have the capability to find it.    

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